Haldir's Infuriating Morning
by The Hobbit Lass
Summary: Haldir justs wants some peace and rest, but Legolas, Aragorn, and various other people keep annoying him, which is very amusing! OneShot.


Disclaimer: No, I don't own a single thing! Get those lawyers away from me!

**Haldir's Infuriating Morning**

One morning, in Lothlorien, Haldir was peacefully sleeping in his flet. He had been dreaming about living inside a giant piece of lembas bread, except the only problem was his brothers kept eating bits of his lembas house. The lembas bread eventually collapsed on top of Haldir, and that was when he awoke.

"What a stupid dream," he said to himself. "But at least it wasn't as bad as last night's..."

Last night he had dreamed that he was Celeborn's noble steed, and that Celeborn rode around on him while various elves threw half-eaten carrots at him. It was extremely humiliating, even if it was only a dream.

The flet was filled with sunlight, and Haldir decided that since he was awake, it was a good time to get up. He pulled back his blankets and suddenly let out a loud, terrified scream.

To his horror, Haldir discovered that Aragorn was lying on his bed!

"What in the name of my perfect hair are you doing here?" Haldir screamed.

"I wanted to have a sleepover!" Aragorn replied. "I tried to have a sleepover with Legolas but he said he had an appointment at the hair salon! So I decided to have a sleepover at your place!"

Haldir shoved Aragorn off of the bed. "Get out of here now!"

"Aww! You don't like me?"

"I barely know you! Which is why I want you out of my flet before I get to the count of five!" He took a deep breath and started to count. "One..."

"But I was so terribly lonely!"

"...Two..."

"Do a good deed today! Don't kick me out!"

"...Three..."

Aragorn got down on his knees in a begging position. "I promise I'll be good!" Haldir merely glared at him and continued counting. "...Four..."

Aragorn finally realized that Haldir meant business and headed for the ladder hanging from the flet. He had one leg dangling out of the flet when Haldir was about to finish his count.

"...Five!"

By the time Haldir had finished counting, Aragorn was almost halfway out of the flet. But it wasn't good enough for Haldir. "Time's up. I'm going to have to remove you by force."

"No! Please, don't!" Aragorn cried.

Haldir ignored his pleas and gave him a shove in the back. Aragorn went flying to the ground. "AAAAGGGHHH!" He landed with a loud thumping sound, but didn't appear to be seriously hurt.

"I think I'll go back to bed," muttered Haldir. He thoroughly searched both over and under his bed in case of any more unwanted visitors, and then crawled in and shut his eyes. He had barely gotten five minutes' worth of rest when someone was shouting his name.

"HALDIR! HALDIR, I NEED YOUR HELP!"

"What now?" Haldir irritably got out of his bed for the second time that morning and looked down at the ground outside. Legolas was standing at the foot of the tree looking frantic. "Legolas, what is it?"

"Haldir, please help me! My hunting bow won't eat. I think it might be anorexic."

Haldir sighed in annoyance but tried to keep his patience. "Legolas, how the heck could your bow be anorexic? It's a bow! It is an inanimate object, which means it isn't supposed to eat!"

Legolas thought this information over for a few moments. "Oh, I get it! Thanks, Haldir."

Haldir was about to go back to bed, but Legolas shouted his name again. "HALDIR!"

"What is it now, Legolas?"

"Um, Haldir? You've managed to help with my bow's problem, but what about my hairbrush? I think it might be deaf, since it never seems to hear anything. Do you think I should take it to a doctor?"

Haldir didn't even bother answering such a stupid question. "I think _you're_ the one who needs a doctor, Legolas!" He then irritably went back into bed. He had already had two interruptions in one morning. Would he ever get some peace and quiet?

He closed his eyes and lay there for about fifteen minutes, slowly falling asleep. Suddenly, he heard footsteps and could feel the presence of someone walking past his bed. Someone was in his flet. But who?

Haldir sleepily sat up and saw his brother Rumil digging through one of his drawers. "Rumil, what are you doing?"

His brother jumped about a foot in the air. "I-I thought you were asleep!" He hastily hid something behind his back. It did not escape Haldir's notice.

"What have you got, Rumil?"

"Nothing!"

"Don't lie to me. I saw you hide it behind your back."

"Oh, all right. I came in here to steal your shampoo because I used all of mine up!" His brother confessed. "I was going to borrow some of Orophin's but he locked his up in a safe and I don't know the combination! Can I please use your shampoo? _Please?_"

"Only if you give it back immediately after you're done with it."

Rumil squealed with delight, which made him sound like an over-excited little girl at a shopping mall. Hugging the shampoo bottle to his chest, he made his way out of the flet.

"He forgot to say _thank you_!" gasped Haldir. "The nerve of him!"

Haldir was still sitting up in bed but decided that it wasn't worth trying to get some rest. He would probably be pestered again. So he got out of bed and decided to nibble on some lembas bread. There was a slight flaw in that plan however.

"WHAT? I'm all out of lembas bread?"

He frantically searched through his entire flet, but there was no lembas bread to be found. "I must have that lembas bread! It calls to me! It wants to be eaten!"

He then climbed down from his flet to search for some lembas bread. Aragorn hobbled past him on a pair of makeshift crutches. "Hi Haldir! That sure was quit a fall you gave me! Look, I've dislocated my finger!" He showed his finger to Haldir.

"I don't want to see that!" the elf snapped. "Now either tell me where I can find some lembas bread, or get out of my way!"

"I think I saw some lembas bread in Boromir's pack."

"Boromir's pack? Where's that?"

"Over by that big tree over there!" Aragorn pointed.

"Okay, thanks!" Haldir ran over to the tree that Aragorn had indicated. Aragorn hobbled away, tripped and fell, and ended up landing right on a fallen beehive. A few bees were still inhabiting the thing and gave Aragorn a rather painful welcome.

Haldir crept over to Boromir's things and opened up his pack. He digged around and pulled out a couple of wafers of lembas bread. "Aha! So the filthy unwashed Ranger didn't lie!"

WHACK! Something hard suddenly cracked down on Haldir's head.

"What are you doing with my things, elf?" said a very angry Boromir. He had hit Haldir on the head with his horn and held it upraised, ready to attack again.

Haldir curled into a frightened ball. "I was hungry! And besides, Aragorn told me to do it!"

"Aragorn? This is Isildur's Heir."

"Huh?"

"I don't know." Boromir lowered his horn. "You can't have my lembas bread! Go eat your own!"

"I don't have any of my own! That's why I was taking yours!"

"What's going on here?" Legolas had heard the arguing and had come over to investigate. "Ooh, are you guys playing a game?"

"No, Legolas," Haldir said.

"He was stealing my lembas!" Boromir complained.

"Boromir, you don't even like lembas," Legolas pointed out. Pointing out things was Legolas' special job, and he did it every chance he got.

"Ha!" said Haldir. "You don't even want the stupid lembas!"

"Yes, but... but... it's mine!" Boromir crumpled to his knees and burst into tears.

"Okay, that's a scary sight," said Haldir. He stuffed the stolen lembas bread in his pocket and quickly scurried away before Boromir stopped crying and noticed what he had done.

"Stealing is wrong!" said Legolas, with his hands on his hips.

"Yeah, well you've split ends," Haldir said. He ran away to go back to his flet.

Legolas screamed in utmost horror. "SPLIT ENDS? AAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" He grabbed a fistful of his hair and inspected it. "Oh my gosh! I need to see Galadriel about this!" He dashed away.

Haldir made it back inside his flet and was now munching on his lembas bread. Lembas always tasted so much better when it was stolen from a full-grown crying man.

Suddenly there was an infuriated roar of "_HALDIR!_"

Haldir sighed. "It looks like I'll never get a moment's peace today."

The end!

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Now it is time to kindly send in a review! Because every review is worth an hour of rest for Haldir! 


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